


The Balancing Act

by Ellie226



Series: The Community [14]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Age Play, Daddy Kink, F/M, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 21:04:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2482373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellie226/pseuds/Ellie226
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Juggling everyone's needs is a struggle, even for Matt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Balancing Act

Matt’s POV

I woke up the morning after the ER trip with Ben quietly watching me. Em was still asleep, and I was pleased to hear that her breathing was less raspy than it had been for the last week. Ben was curled on his side, watching us both with wide eyes, thumb in his mouth.

“Hey, peanut,” I murmured quietly. “You been awake long?”

He shrugged a little, “Dunno. Is Em’ly still sick?”

“A little bit,” I told him. “Shall we go downstairs and get some breakfast?”

“We’ll bring it up to Em?”

Smiling, I gently nudged him toward the edge of the bed, sliding out from underneath Emily and following him to the hallways. Swooping him up onto my hip, I nuzzled his neck, saying, “I’m guessing Miss Em is going to be sleeping for a while, sweetheart.”

“She gotta eat,” he insisted, thumb still in his mouth.

“I was thinking we should starve her,” I replied airily, taking him downstairs and settling him on a stool in the kitchen. When I saw his expression, I hugged him, apologizing, “Daddy was joking. Sorry, peanut.”

“Wasn’t funny,” he told me severely.

“I know,” I agreed. “I’m guessing Em would rather sleep though. I’ll make sure she eats something when she wakes up. But what’s the rule about Emily?”

“Never never never wake a sleepin’ Em’ly, less’n you want her to yell,” he said solemnly, thumb finally slipping free.

Grinning, I praised, “That’s my smart boy. What do you feel like for breakfast?”

He shrugged, and I reminded, “Words.”

“I dunno.”

“Shall we have eggs or cereal?” I encouraged.

“Can I have toast?” he asked quietly.

I was surprised. Although Ben had an easier time with asking for things, the fact that he had reverted to shrugs this morning had made me think that it was going to be an either/or day, with me having to suggest options to him.

“You can absolutely have toast,” I replied, thrilled to see him asking. “Do you want peanut butter?”

He shook his head, “Please butter and strawberry jam?”

I was happy to see him asking, but that didn’t seem like the most balanced breakfast, and I started bargaining.

“Will you drink some milk and eat a banana for Daddy?”

“Choc’late almon’ milk?”

“If that’s what you want,” I agreed. 

“Yes, thank you,” he told me, reaching for the nearby stack of paper and the small container of crayons. He began coloring, not paying me much attention as I put together a quick breakfast for him. 

I sliced up the banana on a plate, poured some chocolate almond milk in a glass, and added two pieces of toast, sliding everything in front of him before I began to pour myself a bowl of cereal.

He watched me as I did that, chewing on a piece of toast, “You gotta have fruit too,” he lectured. “And prob’ly some juice.”

“I know,” I smiled, grabbing another banana and slicing it over my cheerios before pouring myself a glass of juice.

“Not bein’ bossy, Daddy,” he explained seriously. “Breakfast is important. We don’t skip.”

It was a frequent discussion, although generally, I was the one insisting, and I nodded, sitting beside him, “We don’t.”

We ate breakfast in relative silence, Ben swinging his legs enthusiastically, humming a little as he ate his toast. We finished around the same time, and Ben quickly rinsed his plate and glass, sticking them in the dishwasher.

“You gotta check on Em?”

“She’ll call,” I told him, putting my bowl and glass in the dishwasher. “Shall we play in the playroom or the living room?”

“Playroom?” he asked, taking my hand. “We can color?”

He loved art, and I had figured it would either be that, stories, or begging to watch a movie while we cuddled. I followed along behind him, and we settled on the floor of the playroom with some crayons and coloring books.

Ben’s POV

I felt bad that Emily wasn’t feeling good, but it was kind of nice to have all of Daddy’s attention for myself. He was a good daddy; David would never have sat and colored with me, and Matt could play for hours.

“What did you do with Frankie?” he asked me, focused on the paper in front of him.

“I telled you,” I said. “‘member? We walked and read stories. Mr. Mac is nice.”

“That’s good,” he looked up, smiling, before he returned to his picture.

“He said I could come back and play, with you and Em, when Em felt better,” I told him. 

“What do you think of doing that?”

Looking up, I frowned. Emily called that therapy talk, and I didn’t want Daddy doing it to me. When I didn’t respond, he looked up at me.

“Ben?”

Frowning, I informed him, “Em says no therapist daddy at home, thank you.” 

“I’m not being therapist daddy,” he said. “I’m asking whether you think that would be fun.”

Emily had rubbed off on me a little, but not enough to keep arguing with Daddy, so I shrugged, saying, “Maybe,” although I wanted to argue with him about whether he was using his therapy words with me.

“Did you have fun last night?” he prodded.

I didn’t look at him, focused on my picture as I responded, ‘Yes. ‘cept I got a little sad, but Mr. Mac said next time you an’ Em are goin’ to come with me, so I wouldn’t get sad ‘gain, Daddy.”

 

“Why were you sad, peanut?”

Daddy had stopped coloring. I wasn’t looking at him, not really, but his crayon wasn’t squeaking on the paper.

I tried shrugging, but he wouldn’t let it go.

“Words.”

“Just missed you an’ Em’ly,” I explained quietly, hurrying on to add, “but I was okay. Mr. Mac sat with me, and Frankie and I looked at pictures of puppies on the iPad, and then I was mostly okay. It was just a little sad.”

“I missed you lots,” Daddy told me, reaching over and giving me a tug. “Will you sit on my lap, peanut?”

I wouldn’t look at him, but I scooted over and climbed into the familiar embrace. After a minute, I admitted, “I missed you lots, but I was only a little sad. Because you were coming back.”

“Plus puppies,” he pointed out. 

I nodded at that, “I like that puppy, Daddy. She’s nice.”

Matt’s POV

“She seemed nice,” I agreed.

He didn’t respond to that, and after a minute, I pulled his coloring book over in front of us. I’d wanted to cuddle with him, but he didn’t seem like he wanted to talk anymore. 

Ben colored for several minutes before asking, “Daddy? I got a question.”

“Well, then I have an answer,” I replied, kissing the back of his neck. 

“How come you an’ Em’ly don’t have any pets?” he asked haltingly.

I actually didn’t have a ready answer for that, and it took me a second to formulate something. Finally, I responded, “I guess we’re just not pet people.”

“You don’t like ‘em?”

“No,” I contradicted. “We don’t dislike them. I had dogs growing up. But Em’s got her allergies and her asthma, and she never had any, so we just never got them.”

“Oh,” he said, voice quiet. After a minute, he said, “David didn’t like ‘em.”

“Did you have pets when you were little?”

“Yeah,” he was still quiet, focused intently on his picture. “We had fish. They’re not cuddly though.”

“No, that wouldn’t work too well.”

“Em’ly’s allergies would get bad if’n she was ‘round dogs?”

He sounded worried, and I gave him a little hug, “I don’t know. Dust makes it worse, and pets tend to make things dustier. We’ve never tried it though.”

When he didn’t respond to that, I asked him, “Were you thinking you’d like a pet, peanut?”

“Em’ly’s ‘llergic,” he sighed, adding, “It’s okay though. ‘cause Bugs is good at cuddles, but so are you and Em’ly.”

Before I could respond to that, a raspy little voice interrupted, “Daddy?” 

I looked up, surprised at seeing my wife out of bed. She was swaying a little, and she sounded awful.

“What’re you doing out of bed, baby?” I asked, lifting Ben off of my lap and going over to her. 

“No more bed,” she pouted. “‘m hungry.”

“I’ll bring you up something,” I said, trying to turn her toward the door.

Even sick, she was pretty coordinated, and she easily ducked out from under my hand, “Nooooooooo,” she whined. “I hate bed. It’s boring.”

“I know,” I sympathized. “Let’s get you back upstairs.”

“No!” she stomped her foot, hands on her hips. “I said no! You listen!”

“Em’ly,” Ben whispered, looking nervous.

“It’s okay, peanut,” I smiled at him before fixing Emily with a look. “Don’t stomp at me, please, Emily Anne.”

“I don’t want to go to bed,” she whined, hands sliding from her hips. She leaned against me, “I don’t, Daddy. Really. I hate it up there. It’s boring, and it’s lonely, and I don’t feeeeeeelllll gooooooood.”

“Oh, Em,” I hugged her, rubbing her back. Ben got up and left, returning a moment later with a glass of water.

“Here, Em’ly,” he murmured, handing it to her. “Drink. It’ll make you feel less yucky.”

Emily sniffled, taking the glass and sipping delicately, “Thank you,” she mumbled. “Please don’t make me go back upstairs all by myself, Daddy,” she begged pathetically.

“I could keep Em comp’ny?” Ben suggested.

“It’s okay, peanut,” I smiled at him, over Emily’s head. “I think that if Emily promises to stay on the couch, that we could try staying downstairs. How’s that, Em?”

“Okay,” she sniffled, letting go and dragging herself over to the couch. She practically collapsed on it, all of her energy apparently having been used up with fighting.

“I’m going to get you something to eat,” I told her, watching as Ben went over to the couch and sat down. He pulled the blanket from the back over her and helped her lay her head in his lap.

“‘k, Daddy,” he told me seriously. “I’ll stay with Em’ly.”

“Baby, what would you like?”

“I don’t know,” she moaned pathetically.

Ben watched her, suggesting, “Em’ly likes French toast, Daddy? That would prob’ly make her feel better.”

“Em?”

She nodded a little, “Please.”

It was almost lunchtime anyway, so I figured I’d make enough for all three of us. Ben would keep her occupied; he was good at that.

Emily’s POV

Ben looked down at me, worried. He was chewing on his lower lip, and I reached up to tap like Daddy does.

“No,” I reprimanded quietly. 

He stopped immediately, looking guilty, and I smiled up, “‘s’okay, Ben.”

“You wanna do something?” he suggested.

I shrugged. I was tired, but I was sick of sleeping, and I didn’t want to go back upstairs and be by myself.

“You wanna look at puppy pictures?” he suggested. “That’s what me an’ Frankie did last night when I was sad.”

That sounded okay, so I nodded, sitting up enough for Ben to scoot off. He returned a moment later with the iPad, pulling up a webpage for us both.

“See? That one looks like Bugs,” he explained.

We looked through pictures for a little while before I asked, “Did you have a puppy when you were little?”

He shook his head, “Just fish.”

“You like puppies?”

He nodded, smiling a little, “Uh huh. Mr. Mac said we could come over for a playdate. You’ll like Bugs too, Em. She’s real nice, and her head is soft and nice to pet when you’re sad.”

Ben sounded so happy when he was explaining that, and I touched his cheek, smiling back at him, “You wan’ a puppy?”

“No,” he shook his head fervently, explaining, “Daddy says it would be bad for your allergies. ‘s’okay. Frankie’ll let me play with Bugs.”

I let that go, turning back to the pictures of puppies and having Ben show me his favorites. When Daddy came back in with a tray, he shooed Ben off.

“Go wash hands please,” he instructed, setting up the meal on the coffee table.

Glaring at Matt, I said, “A puppy wouldn’t be bad for my allergies.”

“What?” he asked, confused.

“A puppy,” I enunciated. “You told Ben it would be bad for my allergies.”

“It wouldn’t be good for them,” he pointed out, sitting on the floor. “Come eat some French toast.”

I didn’t stop glaring, but I slid down onto the floor and began to eat my breakfast. Ben would be back soon, but I gestured at him with a loaded fork, “This conversation isn’t over.”

Ben’s POV

Emily looked mad when I came back, but it wasn’t about me. Daddy and I had talked about that; Em got upset sometimes, but she would say if it was because of something I did. Since she wasn’t being cranky with me, that meant that Daddy had done something wrong.

I was happy to have that confirmed by Emily grabbing my arm and pulling me down to sit between her and Daddy.

“Ben would like it if we got a puppy, wouldn’t you, Ben?” she asked sweetly.

That wasn’t a good tone from Emily. She used to trick me with it sometimes, but now I knew. The sweet tone meant she was trying to manipulate. Daddy said.

I shrugged noncommittally. I wasn’t supposed to lie, but I wasn’t sure what she was trying to do, so I didn’t want to agree to anything.

“Words,” she insisted.

“Emily,” Daddy said, sounding mad.

My tummy was starting to hurt, and I slowly pushed the remains of my lunch away, “Can I be done?” I asked quietly.

“Sweetpea, you only ate six bites,” Daddy told me, reaching a hand over and touching my forehead. “I thought you liked French toast.”

“I’m full,” I mumbled. “Can I take a nap?”

Daddy looked unhappy with that, but he nodded, standing up and lifting me onto a hip. Pointing at Emily, he said, “Stay here.”

“Bossy,” she complained.

I could feel Daddy tensing up at that, and I wanted to just squirm down and go upstairs by myself. He didn’t like it when I got too wiggly when he was holding me though, and he sounded stressed out, so I just rested my head on his shoulder, thumb in my mouth.

“Daddy? ‘m tired,” I whispered, hoping to get him moving upstairs. Then Emily couldn’t make him upset.

“Okay, peanut,” he soothed, rubbing my back. “Let’s get you into bed.”

Matt’s POV

Poor Ben. He hated getting pulled into the middle of this, and Emily and I were going to be having a discussion about it. 

For now though, I just wanted to get him settled in bed. He wasn’t still sick like Emily was, but he seemed to be needing more sleep than before he caught the bug. He slept to avoid arguments, but he probably needed some rest anyway.

Emily was sitting on the couch pouting, and I left the room, calling behind me, “Eat your lunch. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Without waiting for a response, I carried Ben up the stairs to the bedroom. We’d never made it out of pajamas, so I didn’t need to get him undressed, but I figured he probably needed a few minutes of cuddling, so I settled into the armchair.

He was quiet, sucking his thumb, and I rubbed his back, hoping that he’d relax a little. After a minute, he mumbled, “Didn’t tell Em to bug you about a dog, Daddy. Promise.”

“I know,” I reassured him. “You’re my good boy, and I know you don’t try to manipulate Daddy.”

“I don’t,” he agreed. “That’s naughty.”

After a beat, he continued, “Em is in trouble?”

I hated that question. Ben was apt to blow it up in his mind, convincing himself that Emily was in far more trouble than she actually was. I had a strict policy about honesty with them though. Little or not, they were still technically adults, and they had a right to know things. That didn’t necessarily mean that I didn’t try to be discreet, like spanking Emily before picking up Ben the night before, but I didn’t lie.

“We’re going to have a discussion,” I told him.

He wrinkled his nose, “A discussion with pants?”

“I don’t think her pants would be very good at talking,” I pointed out playfully.

He giggled a little bit at that, although he said, “Daddy, be serious.”

“I am serious!” I joked. “Unless you know something I don’t. Have Em’s trousers been having serious conversations with you? Do they have an opinion on global warming?”

That got him laughing more, helped along by some tickling, until he finally collapsed against me, much calmer than he’d been when we went upstairs.

“You goin’ to spank her?” he asked.

He sounded exhausted, and I just wanted to put him to bed so he could get some rest. He had asked though.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Emily Anne and I need to talk about not trying to manipulate. How do talks normally go?”

“Depends on whether we’re more naughty,” Ben whispered. “Em’s in a bad mood though, and she gets too mouthy sometimes. Then you gotta spank her, but she don’t feel good, and spankin’ her will make her sad. Even if she’s bein’ naughty.”

Considering what he’d said, I finally asked, “Do you trust Daddy, Ben?”

He sat up at that, looking me straight in the eyes as he said, “Uh huh. You’re a good daddy. I like it here.”

It always came back to that, and I grabbed him so he couldn’t slide back down in his comfortable position.

“This is your home,” I reminded him firmly. “You cannot make Emily or I mad enough to change that.”

When he nodded, I let him go, and he curled back up against my chest, explaining, “‘s’the best place I ever lived.”

“We love you,” I murmured. “We love you, and that isn’t going to change.”

“I don’t need a puppy.”

Our conversation earlier had been interrupted, and I’d forgotten how it had ended, with Ben explaining that he didn’t need a puppy for cuddles because he had us.

“Emily and I have never had a pet because neither of us really care,” I told him. “But if you want a pet, then that’s something we could talk about.”

“Would make her sick,” he objected.

I hugged, rubbing his back in an attempt to get him relaxed again. “We could talk with Aunt Sarah about that. See if she has any suggestions. I’m not saying we can get a puppy, but it’s not out of the question. We just need to see if we can make it work.”

“Don’t need it,” he whispered.

“How about,” I suggested, standing up and carrying him to the bed, “you take a nap, and we’ll worry about puppies later. You have to promise no worrying about it though. Deal?”

I’d gotten him tucked in, the way he liked, and I sat on the edge of the bed, pushing curls away from his face as I waited a response.

“It’s okay if there are no pets.”

“Okay, I understand what you’re telling me. Can you stop thinking about puppies and just nap for Daddy? Huh, peanut?”

“I sleep,” he mumbled, curling up on his side and hugging Owlie. “See?”

“Good boy,” I praised, kissing him twice. “You can come down whenever you wake up. What do you do when you need Daddy?”

We’d been working on this, but I thought he might need a reminder. His eyes were droopy, but he dutifully recited, “Yell for Daddy. ‘s’not bothering if I need you.”

“That’s exactly right,” I told him, kissing him once more. “Sweet dreams, fun size.”

He smiled around his thumb, “Love you, Daddy.”

“Love you too,” I responded, turning off the lights and leaving him alone for his nap. 

I loved them both, but at the moment, I would have preferred to stay upstairs with him. I was not looking forward to the conversation I needed to have with my wife. Nonetheless, I made my way downstairs, thinking carefully about what I needed to say and hoping that I wouldn’t have to spank her.

Emily’s POV

When Matt came back into the playroom, he looked really not happy with me. I’m not used to that. Before Ben came to live with us, I almost never saw that expression. Only if I did something that Daddy worried would hurt me. 

Just seeing that look on his face was enough to make me feel bad, but at least part of this was Matt’s fault, and I told him so.

“You should’ve just told Ben we could get a puppy,” I lectured angrily.

“We’re not talking about that,” he said, his voice sounding very firm for my daddy. “And don’t start working yourself up, Emily Anne. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of stuff to get upset about.”

That didn’t sound good, but it was really hard to stop acting like this, so I told him, “I didn’t realize you were the only one who got to dictate topics of conversation.”

“Stop,” he warned.

“Of course. I mean, if the great and powerful has said that it shall be-”

I stopped talking when Matt stalked over, grabbing my wrist and pulling me up onto my knees. Landing several very hard smacks to my already sore butt made me yelp.

“Knock it off,” he growled. 

Jerking away, I rubbed while reproachfully glaring at him, “You’re mean.”

“And you’re being very manipulative right now. I don’t like it.”

Crossing my arms, I rested against the back of the couch and waited. When he didn’t say anything, I said, “I thought you wanted to ‘talk’.”

Nodding, he pointed at the corner, “Uh huh. And I can tell you’re in the perfect frame of mind for that right now. Take the blanket. Sit on the floor.”

“You can’t-”

Eyes flashing, he grabbed me by my upper arm, putting me on my feet and sending me where he wanted me with another very hard smack.

He grabbed the blanket, following along behind me and handing it over. When I tried to shove it away, Daddy grabbed my hand, smacking the back.

“Emily,” he gritted out. “Just. Stop. Making. It. Worse. You’ve already turned a discussion into time out and a spanking. I can get the paddle if you want, or we can start tacking on bedtime spankings. You just let me know.”

All of the rage I’d felt, boiling inside, receded enough for me to realize I should probably sit down. Spinning, I faced the corner and sat down, not objecting when Matt laid the blanket over my shoulders.

Squatting beside me, he kissed the side of my face, lecturing, “I love you. I don’t like your behavior right now, but I love you.”

Matt’s POV

My mother had told me, the first time I brought Emily home, that she was ‘a firecracker’. It was a weird, kind of old fashioned, way of describing my then girlfriend, but she was right. Em had a temper. It was probably the nicest way I’d ever heard it described.

I loved Emily, but she could be so damn exhausting. Sinking down onto the couch, I let my head fall back and closed my eyes.

As hot as Em burned, she didn’t typically keep at it for long. If I could get her sitting someplace and thinking, she would calm down. Today was no exception.

After a few minutes, I heard, “Daddy?”

“No talking in time out,” I lectured tiredly.

“I’m ready to talk now,” she told me quietly. “I’m not going to be manipulative anymore.”

I didn’t actually believe that. Em had learned at a very young age that manipulating people to do what she wanted was not only fast but rarely noticed by the adults around her. And in all the years of us being together and me picking up on it, she continued to try. I did believe that she fully intended to make an effort to stop at this time, and that was enough to start a real conversation.

“Come here please,” I requested, wishing I could just go upstairs and nap.

She slowly slunk to the couch, glancing at me before she sat. As drained as I felt, I needed to resolve this before Ben work up, so I began the lecture.

“You cannot manipulate Daddy,” I stated firmly. “That is not okay, Emily Anne. And it’s really not okay to get Ben involved. You made him very uncomfortable, Em, and I don’t like that. And I know that when you think about it more, you know it’s unacceptable.”

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

I nodded, “I don’t doubt that.”

“I really think we should get a puppy though,” she insisted.

“No,” I shook my head. “We’re not discussing that right now. Frankly, Emily Anne, if it weren’t for the fact that it would be as much of a punishment for Ben as for you, I’d say no puppy ever because I don’t like the way you went about trying to get your way.”

She looked up then, panicked and babbling, “But it’s not for me, Daddy. I don’t even really like dogs. It’s for my Ben, and it would be so so so good for him.”

I held up my hand, shaking my head, “Stop.” It took her a minute, but she complied, and I continued, “What am I supposed to do with you, Em? I’m sick of having this conversation about manipulation. I’ve spanked you and sent you to time out. You’ve written lines. You’ve been grounded. What’s it going to take to get you to stop?”

Her eyes filled with tears then, and I sighed heavily, tugging her over for a hug as I lectured, “I love you very very very much, Em, but this behavior has to stop.”

Emily’s POV

I hated feeling like this. I never meant to make Matt angry, but then he would be, and I hated knowing that Ben was sad. 

“I don’t feel good,” I whispered unsteadily.

Daddy rubbed my back, murmuring softly, “It’s okay, Em.”

“No it’s not,” I let myself cry. “You’re mad! You’re mad at me, and I was just trying to help Ben, and I don’t understand why you don’t want to let me make him happy!”

“Emily!” Daddy stopped rubbing my back. He sounded angry when he said, “I don’t know why you would say-”

He stopped himself, putting me on my feet and saying firmly, “I want you to go upstairs to bed, please, Emily Anne. I don’t know what to do with you right now, but I think you probably need some rest. You can stay up there until I come to get you. Understood?”

I stared at him, shocked. He’d never done that before. I had to do time out kind of a lot. More than most of the people I know. But Daddy always said that time out was for me to calm down, and I was allowed back out once I was ready to be nice. He never sent me away because he was mad.

Before I could argue, Matt landed a swat to the back my thigh. I yelped, although it didn’t really hurt.

“Go on,” he said quietly.

I started toward the door, stopping at the last minute to really look at him and make sure this wasn’t some kind of joke.

It definitely wasn’t, since Matt took my stopping as a sign that he should be getting up and moving toward me. He’d gotten way too swatty lately, and I didn’t like it. 

So, I made my way up the stairs to my bedroom, curling up in our giant bed all by myself. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be doing. Daddy said I needed rest. He hadn’t said to think about what I’d done. I didn’t particularly want to anyway. Matt would probably make me talk it to death. So instead, I rolled onto my side and fell asleep.

Matt’s POV

I spent the remainder of Ben’s nap stretched across the couch in the living room, waiting to hear Ben call for me. I couldn’t stop thinking, turning the problem around and around.

It hadn’t exactly been easy before Ben came. Emily didn’t really create an easy life. It wasn’t a good thing or a bad thing. It was just the way things were. Life was more complex, if more chaotic, and I’d been comfortable slowly trying to alter the way Emily dealt with not getting her way. I handled it largely by giving in whenever she wanted something so she had no reason to manipulate. When she did, I tried to handle it.

With Ben though...I couldn’t be as flexible as I was before. Even if it had been possible to juggle things, Ben would never have been able to cope. And in spite of the ease of not constantly confronting the habit, it wasn’t good for Em. So I’d been forced to be more diligent in trying to stop Em’s habit of manipulating me (and Ben). With lines and spankings and time out. She’d been grounded and lost privileges. Nothing seemed to work.

I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted Em’s behavior to stop, but it seemed like I wasn’t doing anything right. I loved them both, but I felt pretty incompetent as a daddy.

Ben’s POV

I could hear my Emily crying from the big bed. Daddy must’ve left her in there. Sometimes, after she got spanked, Em spent time by herself. She didn’t want Daddy then, but she normally was okay with me.

With a sigh, I crept from the crib, walking silently to the master bedroom and peeking my head in, “Em?” I whispered. “You’re okay?”

She rolled over, looking at me with red rimmed eyes and shaking her head no, “Daddy’s really mad.”

I came all the way into the room, walking over to the bed and crawling up beside her, “It’s okay,” I murmured, patting her arm. “He never really gets mad.”

“He is this time,” she insisted tearfully. “Manipulating is really bad. He won’t even talk to me.”

I tried to hug her and make her stop crying, but she wouldn’t. Finally, I got out of bed, warning her, “‘m going to go and get Daddy if you don’t stop.”

She didn’t listen, and I stepped toward the door, repeating, “‘m going to get Daddy.”

“He won’t come,” she whispered.

Em was scaring me, acting weird, and I decided that I actually needed Daddy to make it stop. Rushing down the stairs, I found him lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling.

“Emily,” he sighed, not looking. “You’re supposed to be resting.”

“‘s’not Em, Daddy,” I said quietly, hoping I wouldn’t be in trouble for getting up without permission. 

Daddy sat up then, smiling at me and holding out a hand, “What got you out of bed, sweetheart?” he asked.

Walking over, I let him pull me onto his lap before I muttered, “Em’s crying real loud, Daddy. She says you’re mad at her.”

Daddy stiffened at that, and I tried to pull away. He kept a tight grip around my waist, hugging me wordlessly.

“Daddy?” I prodded. “Emily? She needs you.”

He didn’t say anything, and I pushed harder, “Daddy! Emily is crying! She says you won’t talk to her.”

Matt’s POV

Ben sounded so certain that I could somehow make Emily not sad, and I didn’t know what to say to him either. I just hugged him, trying to come up with the right words.

When I didn’t talk, Ben finally asked, hesitantly, “Did she do something real bad?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, murmuring, “No, sweetpea. It’s just the same bad thing we’ve talked about before, and Daddy’s a little frustrated.”

“Well, you’re not allowed,” he lectured me angrily, jumping up from my lap.

I was surprised. That wasn’t like Ben, to get angry or talk back, and I asked, “Excuse me? That’s not nice, peanut.”

With a sinking heart, I realized that Ben had tears in his eyes as he explained, “You’re not allowed to get frustrated. You’re supposed to know what to do! That’s your job!”

“Oh, honey,” I sighed, trying to pull the little boy back into my lap. “Everybody gets frustrated, Ben.”

“No,” he stated firmly, resistant to being moved.

“Yeah,” I smiled sadly. “I wish that I didn’t. I wish that I could be perfect for you, but I’m human. Remember? When you and Emily got in trouble for playing without Daddy?”

“You were real mad,” he whispered, finally allowing me to pull him onto my lap. 

I hugged him, “I don’t think I was mad. I think I was disappointed that you and Emily made a bad choice to disobey me, and I was sad that I couldn’t give you something that you needed, and I felt a little jealous that you guys shared something special without me.”

Feelings conversations were big. Ben had a very limited vocabulary when it came to the way he felt. The more concrete, somatic type feelings were easier. He could say hungry or tired or hot, although he often complained of being tired or hungry when he wasn’t, when what he really meant was he felt bad, but he didn’t know what it was beyond that. When he first came to us, he knew mad or happy. Everything else was hard. He had to really think about what he was feeling, and he needed a lot of help to figure it out.

“Are you sad today?” Ben asked me.

I considered that, wanting to be as accurate as possible in my response. “I’m unhappy that Emily misbehaved. I don’t like it when you guys lie, and manipulating is just another kind of lie. And it’s frustrating that Emily doesn’t trust me enough to talk about what’s going on in her head.”

“So you’re mad?”

“Frustrated isn’t the same as mad,” I corrected.

Ben sighed, “Can you stop being frustrated so you can make Emily not sad anymore? She was just trying to make me happy, Daddy. She’s not being on purpose naughty.”

Having talked about it with Ben, my frustration was actually lower than before. I didn’t believe him about whether Emily was being naughty on purpose. Her intentions were good, but she knew I wouldn’t like what she was doing.

“You can’t make feelings go away,” I explained.

“Okay, but can you still make Emily not sad?”

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. Sometimes, I felt like Emily’s manipulation was just another facet of the anxiety and depression that had led to her disordered eating. Whatever caused it, I was feeling pretty useless as a daddy, at least when it came to curtailing behavior.

Emily’s POV

When Ben left me, I curled up and let myself cry. Daddy said sometimes you needed to cry, that it made you feel better, and then there would be science. It wasn’t doing much today.

“Hey,” I heard from the doorway.

It was Matt, and he didn’t sound mad anymore. I sat up, holding out my arms. I just wanted him to hug me.

I loved Ben. I really did. I was mostly happy that he was here. But sometimes it was hard because Daddy kept changing the rules, and stuff that used to be a little bit bad was now really bad, and it was all stuff Ben didn’t do anyway. He was a lot better behaved than I was. Sometimes, a very tiny amount, I worried that Daddy would decide he only wanted Ben.

Because Ben was good. He really didn’t get into trouble, barely at all. He ate whatever Daddy made, even if he didn’t like it. He went to bed without complaint, asking to be allowed to nap. He didn’t argue or manipulate, and he was all sweet and cuddly. 

Before Ben came, I was pretty confident Daddy loved me. I knew he wouldn’t swap me for Lucy or Jessie or Michael. He liked me best, even if I was kind of naughty. But now, with Ben here, he had a snuggly little boy who behaved and said, ‘yes Daddy,’ and let Daddy baby him in a way that Matt liked, and he had to compare the two of us. I just didn’t believe he wouldn’t.

How could he not? Ben was just so good, and I argued about everything. Even when I tried to be good, I was bad. At least if I made sure Ben got everything that would make him happy, Ben would love me. 

Daddy loved Ben now, but at first, he only agreed to Ben joining us because he felt sorry for him, and because I wanted it so badly. I figured that it would work the other way, that Matt would feel sorry for me because that was the kind of guy that he was, and that so long as Ben wanted me there, he would try to love me for Ben’s sake.

Matt’s POV

Emily was babbling, close to incoherence, talking about how well behaved her Ben was, and I crossed over to the bed, picking her up.

“Shhhh,” I murmured, carrying her to the nearby chair. “Em, baby, you need to stop crying. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I am, Daddy. Really. I just wanna make Ben happy.”

“Shhhhhh,” I repeated, rocking steadily. “We’re fine. It’s okay, baby. Whatever it is, we can fix it. Daddy just needs you to stop crying.”

It seemed like she was made up of tears, and I idly wondered if the IV had given her more fluids to cry out. She couldn’t seem to stop.

At some point, Ben appeared in the doorway, looking very nervous, and I waved him over so I could make sure he was okay.

“Hey, peanut,” I greeted quietly. “Could you be my big helper and get a bottle of water please?”

“Is Em okay?” he asked, upset.

I nodded, attempting a smile as I said, “She’s going to be just fine, sweetheart. I think she’s overwhelmed, and she just needed a good cry, but everything is absolutely fine.”

“I can get water,” he said determinedly, leaving.

He was back quickly, handing the bottle to me and peering around to get a good view of Em’s face, “Em?” he whispered, as though I couldn’t hear them. “You doin’ okay now? See? Daddy’s not mad.”

“Ben,” I said, “I think Em just wants some privacy. Do you think you can go and play a little bit?”

He looked unsure of that, so I suggested, “How about you draw Emily a picture? I bet she would like that.”

It wasn’t flattery. Ben drew beautiful pictures, and Emily loved when he would make something special for her. I loved the pictures he drew me as well, and I was planning to have some of them matted and framed for my office.

“Em’ly?” he whispered.

Even upset, she managed to respond to him, whispering back in a tired voice, “‘m okay, my Ben. Thank you for the water.”

“Shhh shhh,” I told her. I didn’t want her worrying about him right now. She was exhausted and upset, and she didn’t need the extra stress. “Ben’ll be fine, won’t you, peanut?”

He nodded uncertainly, and I continued, “He’s going to go down and play while we’re up here. Okay?”

Ben nodded at that, retreating, and I went back to the semi-familiar routine of rocking and back patting. Em didn’t typically want this, not like Ben did, but I didn’t know what else to do with her when she was in this state.

I somehow decided on rocking and murmuring, repeatedly telling her that she was my girl, and that I loved her. I would say that I wasn’t angry, and that I was so sorry she was sad. And finally, thankfully, she stopped.

We rocked in silence for what seemed like a long time, Em quietly drinking the icy bottle of water I handed her. When it was gone, I started talking.

“What happened?” I asked quietly.

She sniffled, “I-I-I don’t know.”

It wasn’t like her to be so unsure, and I told her so. That led to another round of silence, until she whispered, “Why do you even want me?”

“What?” 

I was shocked, horrified really, that she would even question that. I’d worshiped Em since what felt like forever, and I didn’t know how to answer that question. 

“Because you’re my Em,” I told her, settling for something that was true, but was unlikely to make her feel better.

“But I’m so awful.”

That was not like her, and I wondered how long she had been sitting on these feeling, praying that it was something that she’d just come up with.

“You are my Emily,” I replied. “And you are smart and kind and funny, and I adore you. I’ve always loved you, and one tiny problem isn’t going to change that. Understood?”

“You hate it when I manipulate,” she mumbled, so quiet that I could barely make it out.

I nodded, “Yes I do. It’s very frustrating. But a lot of that is me being sad that you feel like you need to, that you can’t just be honest with me about what you want. I want to make you happy, baby, and it’s hard when you won’t tell me what’s going on.”

“I want to make Ben happy,” she explained. 

“You are very sweet, and you love Ben,” I replied. “And I’m not opposed to making him happy. I’m not even really opposed to a dog. I don’t like the way you went about it.”

She was curled against my chest, playing with my tee-shirt, and she mumbled something that I didn’t understand.

“Pardon?”

Haltingly, she got out, “If I make Ben happy, then even if I’m bad, you’ll love me a little.”

“No,” I told her, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat. “There is so much wrong with that statement, Emily Anne, and I don’t even really know where to start.”

“You didn’t want Ben at first,” she whispered. “Just ‘cause I did. So I figure even if I make you really really mad, so long as Ben wants me, then everything is okay.”

“No,” I repeated, thinking over everything that she’d just unloaded. I decided to start at the beginning. “First, you make Ben happy just by being you, Em. You make him happy by loving him, and that’s enough. And you’re not bad, not even a little. As far as loving you a little, that could never happen because I don’t even know how to love you only a little. Even if you make me really mad, baby, I still love you and want you all the time. Got it?”

Emily’s POV

“Okay,” I tried, hoping that could be the end of it. “We should check on Ben.”

“No, baby,” Daddy said, not having it. “Where are all these feelings coming from, Em? What’s going on in your head?”

“I’m okay,” I insisted, unconvincingly.

“No you’re not,” Matt disagreed. “This is not okay. If you’re feeling like this, it’s not okay. I don’t want you to ever feel like I don’t want you, or that you’re somehow second place or anything like that. We need to figure out where these feelings are coming from so we can deal with them.”

I shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“Well, that’s not good enough,” he said, sounding frustrated.

We sat in silence for a minute, and he finally told me, “Baby, this is not going to go away. You do have to talk with me about it.”

“I’m tired,” I tried. “I still don’t feel well.”

“If you take a nap, Emily, then when you wake up, we’ll still talk about this. I’m not kidding,” he warned. “This is a discussion that we will be having.”

Standing up, I stomped away from him, “It’s fine now though. I won’t manipulate again, Daddy. It was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

“Thank you for your apology,” he replied, “but it doesn’t solve the problem.”

“Can’t you just spank me?” I exploded. “This is torture! That’s not fair! I never agreed to this! I screwed up, and you can spank me, but you can’t make me talk.”

Matt’s POV

She was overwrought. She was exhausted. I stood up and walked to the bed, turning down the covers and helping her in.

“You need to rest, baby,” I said firmly. “We’ll talk when you wake up.”

“NO!”

“Yes,” I remained calm. She needed calm right now, and I could give it to her. “Close your eyes. I’ll be right here.”

Settling on the other side of the bed, I opened a book and used my free hand to rub her back. Her breathing was harsh, dragging, a combination of asthma and rage, and it took a while for it to calm down at all.

“Daddy?” she finally said. “Don’t you need to check on Ben?”

“Nope,” I told her, focused on my novel. “I need to be right where I am. Ben knows to come and get me if he needs me. I think you need my attention now.”

“But I don’t!” she insisted.

“I disagree.”

“I don’t! I don’t! I don’t!” she started crying.

Sliding down on my side, I looked her in the eyes, “Yes you do, baby. And I am so sorry that I’ve been neglecting you.”

She launched herself against me, burying her head in my chest, “I don’t! I don’t need you!”

“Okay, baby. You just let yourself cry,” I soothed, hugging her and rubbing her back.

“I don’t,” she insisted.

“I know,” I murmured. “It’s hard right now.”

She lapsed into quiet crying, not arguing any more, and I held her, waiting her out for the second time that day. When she stopped crying, I didn’t do anything, figuring she needed the rest.

“I got sick,” she finally mumbled.

“Yeah,” I agreed, confused.

She let out a shuddery little breath, going on, “And you had to take care of me.”

“That’s what we do,” I gently replied. “Ben got sick, and we took care of him, and when I get sick, you take care of me. We’re a family; we take care of each other.”

She shook her head, “No, but I get sick more. Because my lungs suck. And it’s inconvenient.”

“Your asthma is inconvenient,” I agreed. 

“You couldn’t go to work.”

“Not while you were sick, no,” I said. “I wanted to be home with you, taking care of you.”

She started to snivel again, and I pulled her in tightly for a hug, rubbing her back and murmuring, “Take your time, baby. We’ve got all the time you need to tell me about this.”

Em went quiet again, and I waited her out. Therapeutic silence. We’d been warned against using therapy techniques with our significant others, back in grad school, but I’d found some of them to be invaluable with Emily.

“I got sick,” she whispered again. “I get sick all the time because of my stupid lungs that suck. And it’s inconvenient. And you can’t go to work, and Ben can’t go to daycare, and he can’t get a dog, even though he wants one, and I just-”

She stopped, and I prompted, “You just what, baby?”

“Ruin everything,” she finished, voice low.

I nodded, telling her, “I don’t ever want to hear you say that again. Do you understand?”

“It’s true,” she said, outraged.

“No it’s not,” I contradicted, sitting and pulling her up. “Your asthma is inconvenient, and you get sick sometimes. Not all the time. I think that we’ve gotten pretty good at keeping you healthy, don’t you?”

“Vitamins and food and exercise and nothing fun and everything on a schedule,” she complained mutinously.

We had gotten a little regimented, but it was effective. Em had controller medicine that she took, and it worked relatively well, until she got sick. So I’d gotten a little controlling, making sure that medicine was taken at the same time every day (8:00 AM and 8:00 PM) along with immunity boosting vitamins, and that we ate on a schedule (we tried for 7:30 AM, noon, and 6:00 PM, along with snacks), and lots of activity. Em actually liked the last bit, but she resented that it was something she had to do.

No exposure to second hand smoke. The house was dusted, swept, mopped, and vacuumed a minimum of twice a week, which Emily insisted was excessive. I was working on getting her to meditate or do yoga, but so far, she wouldn’t. I was pretty dictatorial about bedtime though.

“I want you well,” I explained patiently. “I don’t like you getting sick, and so we do what we can to limit how often that happens. And it’s not just for you, baby. You know I need that stuff too. And it’s good for Ben. People need that stuff, Em.”

“I know! But it’s not fair, and it’s mostly me! Because now Ben wants a puppy, and we can’t get one because I’m sick all the time. It’s inconvenient.”

She kept using that word. It wasn’t an Emily word. Em liked to say that the weather was glorious or horrendous. She was fabulous or devastated...she didn’t say inconvenient. She liked words that were expansive, fully able to express her overflow of feelings.

“Who told you it’s inconvenient,” I asked, going for nonchalance.

“Before,” she said quietly, her voice guarded. 

Before meant one thing for Emily. Before me. When she had her parents, kind of. They were busy, and Emily had spent most of her childhood being cared for by a revolving door of nannies. Her father travelled for work, and her mother went along. They were older, and I’d always gotten the impression that they would have had little time for any child, let alone a baby that came too early and got sick all the time.

“You mean that you’re inconvenient,” I said, guessing at the hidden meaning.

She stiffened, and I knew it was on the right track. “Em, I don’t know who said that,” I started, although I could guess. “It’s not true though. Your asthma is just an ick part that we have to deal with. The same way we deal with my Bipolar, and we handle Ben’s anxiety.”

Emily’s POV

“And my food problems,” I whispered. “Those too. Can’t forget.”

“And your food problems, and my migraines,” Daddy countered. “And what did we learn about Ben? When he gets sick, he turns into a cranky little crab, and we handle that.”

“It’s mostly me stuff we have to deal with though,” I explained. “Not you stuff or Ben stuff. We have to do special stuff for me.”

“Em, that’s just not true,” Daddy told me. “And even if it was, we wouldn’t care. We love you, and any extra things we do, those are just things we do. They may not be fun, but they are not you. Understand?”

I sighed, nodding and saying, “‘m really tired now, Daddy. Please? We talked, can’t I sleep now?”

“Alright,” he agreed, letting me lay down. He didn’t leave though, he just grabbed his book.

“‘m okay,” I told him quietly. “You can go take care of Ben now.”

“I think you need more more at the moment,” he replied, using his free hand to card through my hair. “Ben’s just fine.”

“I can’t sleep with you in here,” I said irritably. 

He nodded at that, saying, “If you’re tired, you can. And if you can’t, then you aren’t tired. Whichever it is, Em, you’ll be staying in my sight for a little bit. I think you need more attention than I’ve been giving you.”

“No I don’t.”

Matt smiled, turning a page, “Uh huh. Close your eyes, baby.”

Matt’s POV

We’d gone through this before. It had been a while, but I wasn’t wholly unfamiliar with it. Em would try to retreat, and I’d have to doggedly pursue until she calmed down enough to remember that she was stuck with me. This was the first time with Ben in the house, but he wouldn’t object. 

Unlike my sweet little boy who just wanted to make me happy (now that he felt well), Em would object. She demonstrated the opening stages of this in her tossing and turning, muttering about domineering daddies who didn’t know when to leave well enough alone. 

Finally, having had enough, I swatted her backside lightly with my novel, admonishing, “Enough, Emily Anne. Sleep.”

“I don’t wanna!”

“Okay,” I agreed, standing up and walking around to her side of the bed. “Then we’ll go downstairs.”

“I just wanna be left ‘lone,” she insisted.

I nodded, “And I’ve decided that isn’t a good idea right now. Come on. Let’s go see about getting you a snack, hmmm?”

She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at the ceiling as she spat, “Go. A. Way.”

“Emily, I’m not going anywhere without you at the moment. Do you want upstairs or downstairs?”

“I want upstairs without you,” she raged. “Go.”

I effortlessly swept her onto my hip, starting down the stairs. Even though my wife generally declined to be carried, she was petite enough that I could easily handle her. Even mid-tantrum, I generally could tote her around.

“Put me DOWN!” she shrieked, pushing at my chest. “I MEAN IT! PUT ME DOWN!”

I rolled my eyes, tossing her over my shoulder so that her pounding fists had to aim at my back, and I continued on my way.

Ben was seated at the kitchen counter, where he had been industriously working with markers and colored pencils. When I entered the kitchen, he had stopped, looking up, eyes very wide.

“Daddy?” he asked, sounding unsure of what was going on.

“It’s okay, peanut,” I spared a minute to reassure. “Em’s just mad at me. You’re fine.”

Focused back on Emily, I said, “Would you like to go into the playroom? You could rest on the couch in there, and I could put a movie in for you.”

“NO!”

“Do you want to just rest on the couch then? I’ll grab you a book,” I offered.

“NO!”

Setting her down on her feet, I kept a good grip on her wrist so that she couldn’t race off and hide on me.

“Em, your choices right now are book or movie while you’re on the couch. You need to pick one, please, or I’m going to pick for you.”

“Why won’t you leave me alone?”

“Because I’m the meanest daddy on the face of the planet,” I retorted. “Movie or book?”

She glared, stomping her foot, and my free hand slapped her butt before I repeated, “Movie or book, Emily Anne?”

“Book,” she finally replied, furious.

“Thank you,” I smiled at her, walking her over to the playroom and getting her settled on our couch, comfortably snuggled under a quilt and cushioned by several pillows. I went to the bookshelf and pulled out a handful of books, figuring one would work.

“Here you go, baby,” I offered, handing a stack of six books to her.

“Nope,” she tossed the top one to the side. “Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope,” she repeated. “What else you got?”

“What would you like?” I asked her, knowing where this was going and hoping that I could make it stop.

She shrugged, dashing my hopes as she told me, “I don’t know. Not these though.”

Back to the bookshelf, I took out ten books and returned with them, “Here,” I offered.

“Nope,” she tossed one to the side, getting that evil grin she only has when she’s being bad for the sake of being bad (not that I’d ever call it that in the hearing of a little). “Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Don’t we have anything decent?”

“Why don’t I get your kindle?” I suggested. “You could download something new if you don’t see anything you like. Didn’t you want to read that new Jen Lancaster book?”

“She’s so conservative,” Emily turned her nose up.

I nodded, “Yeah, but she normally makes you laugh.”

Emily shook her head, and I sat on the coffee table so we were eye level with each other. Grabbing her hands, I said calmly, “You can be as rude and difficult as you want, and I’m still not going anywhere. Might as well behave, Em. It won’t change the way I feel about you, but we both know well enough that you’re going to feel rotten if you keep it up.”

Ben’s POV

Even in the kitchen, I could hear Emily being bad in the playroom. Daddy would say she wasn’t being bad. She was being naughty. Aunt Sarah called it bratting, and I liked that better. It fit my Em better, that she was bratting.

With a sigh, I hopped down from the stool, taking my card. I think it turned out okay. Daddy and Emily both say my pictures are good, but so does Aunt Sarah. And Aunt Sarah doesn’t fib to make you feel better. She tells the truth. I hoped it would make Emily happy.

“Em?” I stood in the doorway, waiting for them to look at me.

“Ben, Em and I need some privacy,” Daddy started.

Em gave him a glare, saying, “I want Ben.”

That didn’t get me moving from the doorway one way or another. Daddy said no, but Em said yes, and I hated it when they did this.

Daddy sighed, giving Em a look and I fidgeted uncomfortably. I really didn’t like this. I didn’t like the private conversations without me. They were making me nervous. What were they talking about, and why wasn’t I allowed to be there?

“Ben, come on,” Emily ordered, raising one of her eyebrows. She should have been a mommy, with those eyebrows.

I really didn’t want either of them getting upset with me, and I didn’t know what to do. It was a relief when Daddy waved me in.

“Come on, peanut. What’cha got?”

“I made Em a card,” I said haltingly, stepping forward and holding it out. “I can go entertain myself again now.”

“No! I want Ben in here!”

“Daddy said no,” I told her, glancing at him before I focused on the ground.

I didn’t wait for any more talking about where I was going to be, backing out of the room. They needed privacy. Daddy had said. I hadn’t meant to interrupt. Going up to my nursery, I curled up in the rocking chair and rocked myself, thumb in mouth, cuddling Owlie. It wasn’t as good as Daddy and Emily cuddles, but it was okay. I could take care of myself. Em needed just Daddy right now.

Matt’s POV

Emily glared at me, absolutely furious, as she hissed, “You see what you did? He’s upset now.”

He was, and I was torn. I had reasons for what I’d done, but now Ben was as upset as Emily, and they both needed me. This was one of the very few times when I thought the mommies and daddies who only had the one little had it right. 

“Go,” Em shoved me. “He needs you.”

“So do you,” I said, losing my temper. I was frustrated with this. “So do you. Do you get that? Ben’s needs don’t take priority over yours, and I can’t just run off to make him feel better when you’re upset.”

“I’m fine.”

Running my hands through my own hair, I restrained myself from pulling it. I was just so frustrated right now. Ben obviously needed some attention, and Em needed attention. 

Em still looked angry, but her voice was slightly more helpful when she offered, “Why don’t you call Aunt Sarah, if you’re afraid to leave me alone? Then you can go and help Ben while Aunt Sarah sits with me.”

That was actually a pretty good idea. My phone was just in the kitchen, and I stood, pointing a finger at her, “Do not move. We’re not done talking.”

Em saluted at me, but I ignored it, hurrying to the kitchen and placing a quick phone call to Sarah. Luckily for me, she was free. Michael was even napping. She promised to come right over, and I returned to Emily.

Sarah’s POV

Matt’s house was very quiet when I walked through the door, but he’d said they were back in the playroom. I went back, peeking my head in.

“Hi,” I greeted, taking in the sight in front of me. 

Emily was sitting next to Matt, legs over top his lap, and she looked very upset. Poor Matt looked exhausted and overwhelmed.

“Hi, Aunt Sarah,” Emily greeted me. Looking at Matt, she ordered, “You go upstairs now and make my Ben feel better.”

“Nope,” I intervened. “That’s my job for today. He’s just up in the nursery?”

“No!” Emily disagreed. “Daddy. You can sit with me, Aunt Sarah, since Daddy is being suspicious.”

“I’ll be upstairs,” I told Matt calmly, turning and leaving them to their own devices. I heard arguing behind me, but I focused on what I was about to do.

The little boy sitting in the rocking chair looked thoroughly miserable, and I smiled sympathetically as I greeted him, “Hey, sweetheart.”

“Hi, Aunt Sarah,” he said, stiff. 

It had been a couple of weeks since he’d seen me, and the last experience had been unpleasant for him. I was unsurprised by the less than enthusiastic greeting.

“Daddy said it’s been a rough day,” I told him, coming into the nursery and settling down in the oversized chair by the window. “How about you come and give me a cuddle, and we can talk about it?”

He shook his head, “I’m okay. I can take care of myself. Em’s just upset, and Daddy needs to pay attention to her right now.”

“Come here,” I said firmly, holding out my arms.

Ben stood, walking over to me, death grip on Owlie. I had to take his arm to pull him into my lap, but then I hugged him tightly.

“Hi, kiddo,” I murmured. 

“Hi,” he responded, avoiding looking at me.

He was such a little peanut that he fit pretty nicely in my lap, and I got him situated comfortably before I started talking.

“You are absolutely okay,” I ticked off. “And I know you can look after yourself for a bit, when people are busy. And Em is upset, and she does need Daddy. You are very right, little man, and you are a very smart little boy.”

“Daddy’s busy,” he said mechanically.

I nodded, “Yeah, so I get to come over and sit with you. Em’s got some big sads today, honeybun, and that’s all that’s going on.”

“She cried and yelled and had a tantrum,” he whispered, sounding very nervous.

“She does that,” I agreed, snuggling him. “Em’s got big feelings in her, huh?”

He nodded at that, telling me, “I didn’t mean to interrupt. You’ll tell Daddy? I wasn’t bein’ on purpose bad.”

“I don’t believe you could be bad even if you tried,” I replied with a smile. “Not my good little Ben.”

“Daddy said to entertain myself,” he explained softly. “So I did. By myself. In the kitchen. I made a card for Em, so she’d be not so sad.”

“That was very kind,” I commented.

“I did my best art,” he told me softly. “‘cept I thought it was okay to give it to her, and Daddy needed privacy with Em.”

“I’m sure it’s beautiful,” I agreed. “And Daddy didn’t mind you coming in, honeybun. He’s just a little overwhelmed.”

“He needs a nap,” Ben whispered. “It’s too much. I don’t want him to get sick. Or too ‘cited. Em says he does that if he’s very stressed out.”

I was surprised at that. Matt hadn’t had a manic episode in ages. Years. Em had witnessed a few of them, but I prescribed his medication myself, and everything was well under control. I wasn’t sure what Matt had told Ben, although I knew he must have talked with the little boy about it. I decided to tread lightly.

“Sometimes, if Daddy gets too tired and stressed, he gets manic,” I explained quietly. “But he knows that, and that’s why he’s so careful about exercising and sleeping. Daddy knows how to take care of himself.”

“Em says we gotta take care of him,” he said seriously, correcting himself, “Well, she says she’s gotta take care of him, but I help. ‘s’not fair that I get all the good stuff with none of the not good stuff.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, getting a better picture of some of the conversations that were taking place. I had no doubt that Matt hadn’t been privy to them.

He shrugged, “I get the cuddles and the kisses and the other stuff,” he blushed at that. “So I should get the taking care of Daddy and Em stuff too.”

“Honey, I think that’s a little twisted up,” I said slowly. “You guys are a family, so you share the good stuff and the bad stuff.”

“I know,” he agreed. “They need a Ben now. I can help.”

“I think they always needed a Ben,” I said to him, familiar with the things Emily had told him. Matt had relayed the whole story, and I knew that was the phrasing. 

He shrugged, reciting, “They didn’t know.”

“That’s right. They always needed you, but they didn’t know,” I agreed. 

“I gotta help. Dav-” he stopped himself, looking guilty.

I wasn’t sure if David was verboten, but I prompted, “David what, sweetheart?”

“David said I was a freeloader,” he explained, ashamed. 

David was an asshole. I wanted to tell Ben that, but Matt had given me many lectures about the importance of blah blah blah. I was pretty sure saying that would be a no no.

“You are not a freeloader,” I reassured. “Daddy tells me all the wonderful things about you being part of their family. He says that he loves you very much.”

“Em takes care of Daddy.”

“Do you love Em and Daddy?” I asked him seriously.

He nodded, looking at me then and saying, “Yes, ma’am. I love ‘em all the way to the moon.”

“Well, then your job is done. That’s Ben’s job, is to love Daddy and Em. That’s it. So long as you love them, then you’re alright. Okay?”

“But Em loves us and takes care of us,” Ben explained.

I shook my head, “Taking care of each other is what family does, honeybun. I take care of Michael, and he takes care of me. And you take wonderful care of Em and Daddy.”

“How?” he asked, skeptical. “I don’t ‘member to remind Daddy about running like Em does. And ‘m not so good in the kitchen.”

“Well,” I began to list off the praise that I heard from Matt regularly. “You give them hugs and cuddles. Matt told me that you’re the very best at giving him Ben hugs. And you help around the house, cooking and cleaning. He said that you try very hard to help, and you listen really well so you can learn more. And you make beautiful pictures. But Ben, that’s not important. You love them, and that’s all you need to do. I swear, that’s all Daddy wants from you.”

Ben was quiet at that, cuddled up against my breasts, thumb in his mouth. I gave him some time to think.

“So what started all this off?” I asked him, when it seemed he was calm and maybe ready to talk again.

He whispered, “Me.”

“What did you do, sweetiepie?” 

“Last night, Daddy sent me to Mr. Mac’s house to play with Frankie while Em had to go to the ER,” he explained softly. “And Frankie has a new puppy. Bugaboo. She’s really cute.”

“Uh huh,” I prompted.

“We can’t have a puppy. Is bad for Em. It’ll make her more sicker,” he whispered.

“Is that what Daddy said?”

He shrugged, “He asked if I want one. It’s okay though. I don’t even barely want a dog.”

“And how did Em get involved,” I prodded, guessing at where things had gone pear shaped.

“I was tellin’ her ‘bout Frankie’s dog, and I showed her pictures? There’s a website? And she got mad at Daddy, so she tried to manip’late. That’s real bad.”

And that’s when things had gotten screwed up. I knew Matt’s feelings on manipulation; it was the only place where he was actually stricter than the rest of the big people, at least now. I wasn’t sure what had exactly happened, but it had clearly set off this shit storm, and I now wanted to throttle Matt.

“It’s naughty to manipulate,” I said, realizing too much time had passed, and he was waiting for a response. “But you didn’t do anything wrong, kiddo. Em was wrong to manipulate, but it sounds like everyone is just tired and things kind of blew up.”

“Daddy’s not ‘posed to get tired,” Ben replied, sounding upset.

“Everybody gets tired,” I soothed, rubbing his back. “Daddy getting a little tired isn’t a problem, Ben.”

“You just sayin’ that,” he cried, struggling to get up. 

“Hey hey hey,” I held him. “Listen for a minute, okay?” He stopped, and I said, “What’s Aunt Sarah’s job?”

“You’re a nurse,” Ben replied, sounding confused.

“That’s right,” I agreed. “I’m a nurse. I’m Em’s nurse, and I’m your nurse, and I take care of Daddy too. So if I say he’s going to be fine, then I know. It’s my job to know.”

Ben wrinkled his nose, telling me, “Big people are fibbers.”

“Is Daddy a fibber?”

Ben considered that, finally saying, “He says stuff to make me feel better, and white lies are still bein’ a fibber.”

“Well, I don’t tell lies. Not ever. Not to make you feel good,” I informed him. “You don’t ever have to worry about that. If I say something, then I mean it. And I say that Daddy is fine right now.”

“Promise?” he sounded so little and lost.

I smiled, hugging him, and said, “I promise as much as anyone can. If something changes, then we’ll talk, but Daddy takes his medicine and does what he’s supposed to, and everything is under control.”

“Okay.”

“Now that we’ve got that handled,” I announced. “We’re going to go downstairs. Daddy and I need to have a chat, and I think you and Miss Em probably need a good cuddle with each other.”

I helped him to his feet, taking his hand and walking him down the stairs. Matt and Emily were still on the couch, in pretty much the same position I’d last seen them in, and I gently swatted Ben on the rear.

“Go sit with your Em. Daddy and I will be in the living room talking,” I instructed.

Matt’s POV

Sarah’s expression was not promising, but I spared a minute to kiss them both before I went with her. The way Sarah was looking at me, I thought it was very possible it would be the last kiss I ever gave either one of them.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she hissed at me, smacking my arm.

I might be a moron, but I know Sarah, and I had to give myself points for recognizing that she was pissed before she even started lecturing me.

Sitting heavily on the couch, I rested my head in my hands and said, “I feel like a fucking idiot already, Sarah. I don’t need the fucking lecture.”

“Oh, you don’t?” she sounded amused. “Maybe you should be the one sitting with that little boy and promising him that you aren’t going to have a fucking episode.”

“That’s a bad word.” 

I heard Ben’s little voice, and I looked up at him, forcing a smile, “What’s up, peanut?”

He walked into the room, skirting Sarah and getting to me. Sitting down on the couch, he snuggled close before saying, “‘m hungry, Daddy. So’s Em.”

“Okay,” I nodded, hugging him. “How about you and Em have popsicles. Does that sound good?”

Ben nodded, “Uh huh.”

“Sweet boy,” I praised. “Go and get a popsicle for each of you, and I’ll come sit in the playroom as soon as I’m done with Aunt Sarah. Maybe you guys could pick out a movie?”

“Yes sir,” Ben stood, making to leave, and I grabbed his arm.

“Not sir, peanut.”

“Yes, Daddy,” he corrected himself, a wan smile.

“My good boy,” I praised, pulling him down for a kiss. “Thank you for taking such good care of Em, Ben. That’s very nice, since she doesn’t feel good.”

He nodded, hurrying off to the kitchen. I listened as the freezer door opened and closed, then the chatter of their voices.

“What the hell happened?” Sarah interrupted my thoughts.

“I don’t know,” I hissed back. “What I thought was a simple discussion about manipulation turned into a meltdown.”

“About?”

“I don’t even know,” I sighed. “Em was babbling on about how she has to take care of Ben, and that I won’t want her if she doesn’t. You know that’s crazy.”

“But clearly she doesn’t,” Sarah pointed out. 

Sitting down on a chair, she said, “You want a suggestion?”

“Can I stop you?”

“They both need more individual attention, Matt.”

“Thank you for that gem,” I snarked at her.

Sarah raised an eyebrow, telling me, “You want some help with that?”

I sighed, not responding, and she sat there in silence. Finally, I said, “What?”

“Just plan on playdates for them,” Sarah suggested. “Ben likes Frankie. See if Mac can take him for a couple of hours, one day a week. Talk to Charlotte about doing the same thing with Em. That way, you can focus on the one you have.”

That was actually not the worst plan, and I thanked her, adding, “It doesn’t fix the problem of Em manipulating though.”

“Just stay on her about it,” Sarah told me. “You know how it works. If you’re consistent, then it’ll work itself out. You might try lines; you know Miss Em hates to sit still. Spank her bottom first, to reinforce the lesson.”

“Okay,” I sighed.

Sarah said, “And it’s got to be every time, Matt. Even for little stuff.”

I nodded, and she added, “And get Ben his damn puppy. We can talk about allergy shots, if you want, but there are dogs that don’t shed as much.”

“Fine,” I said, exhausted.

I didn’t want to fight anymore. Sarah gave me a hug before leaving, and I took a minute so I could pull myself together before I walked into the playroom.

“Who wants to watch a movie?”

Ben’s POV

Daddy came over to the couch, sitting down between the two of us and asking, “Did you guys decide?”

We spent the afternoon watching movies. It was a little weird, with Em and Daddy, because they seemed...off. But it was okay. 

After dinner, Daddy helped me take my bath, and then he put me to bed. Sitting on the side of the bed, he explained, “Em and I need to take a couple of minutes to just talk about things, but we’ll be right up. ‘k, peanut?”

I nodded. Daddy was the boss, and if that’s what he wanted to do, I wasn’t going to be arguing with him.

“I love you,” he said, kissing me with each word.

“I love you too,” I mumbled, exhausted from my day.

Carding his fingers through my hair, Daddy apologized, “I’m sorry that today was so rough, peanut, but I want you to understand that it isn’t your fault.”

I shrugged, “Aunt Sarah said.”

“She did?” Daddy asked. “Well, Aunt Sarah’s very smart. Everybody should listen to her.”

Playing with the blanket, I explained, “She said you aren’t going to get sick, that Em’s wrong, and she knows ‘cause she takes care of you.”

“Aunt Sarah takes care of me?” Daddy asked, sounding confused.

“She makes sure you don’t get too ‘cited,” I nodded. “Em said we had to be careful, but Aunt Sarah said don’t worry ‘bout it.”

“You don’t need to,” Daddy assured me. “Aunt Sarah’s right.”

Em came in then, from the bathroom where she’d been getting ready, and she tried to get into bed. Daddy stopped her.

“I want you to go wait for me in the office,” he told her quietly. “I’ll be down in a minute, baby.”

Em got a really mad face at that, but she stomped her way out of the room and left Daddy and I alone.

“You goin’ to spank her?” I asked quietly.

“Em and I are just talking today,” he promised. “You don’t need to worry.”

“She was trying to help, Daddy,” I explained. “It’s ‘k though. You can tell her I don’t really want a puppy.”

“You don’t?” he asked. “What do you want, Ben?”

“No fighting.”

“There isn’t going to be any fighting,” he said. “But it’s okay if we argue sometimes, Ben. I promise, it’s just loud words. It’s only ever loud words. That’s the worst thing you have to worry about is loud words and maybe some crying.”

“‘k,” I told him, wishing he’d go.

Matt’s POV

He looked tired, and I had to remind myself that we were overcoming years of conditioning here. With another kiss, I reminded him, “You are safe here. No matter what, you are safe, and I am safe, and Em is safe. We might argue, but we still love each other, and that’s not going to change.”

“‘k,” he whispered.

“Are you just saying that, or do you believe me?”

He shrugged, not saying anything, and I rubbed his stomach, saying, “Peanut? It’s okay if you can’t believe me right now.”

He sighed heavily, “I’m really tired.”

“Answer my question, and I’ll let it go,” I pushed.

“I think that you believe it,” he quietly explained.

“Do you trust me enough to wait until you believe it?” I murmured.

He gave me a look, “You said I could go to sleep.”

“One more question.”

He nodded, his thumb slipping up into his mouth, “Yes, Daddy.”

“Alright,” I murmured, leaning in for a kiss. “My good boy,” I praised. “Em and I will be up in about 10 minutes. Okay?”

He nodded at me, and I left him in the semi-dark, making sure the nightlight was there for him until we got back.

Em’s POV

I hated waiting. I hated sitting still, and waiting for Daddy when I kind of knew I probably had it coming made it worse.

Meltdowns only delayed things. They didn’t get me out of a punishment. The only thing that got me out of getting spanked was my safe word. My safe word was for when things were really, actually, truthfully not fair, or when I was scared. Neither of those things fit this situation.

Pulling my feet up on the couch, I wrapped my arms around my knees and waited. The not-selfish part of me was happy that Daddy was giving Ben some time. He needed it, my Ben did. He didn’t do anything wrong, and I was the one acting up, so it didn’t make any sense that I got all this time with Daddy. 

The selfish part of me was wishing he’d just come down here and get it over with. Manipulation could mean any number of punishments, and Matt was so frustrated. I figured I was looking at least at a paddling. 

“Don’t scrunch up your face,” Matt’s voice intruded upon my thoughts. “What’s got you looking like that?”

Looking up at him, I started, “I’m sorry. I know I’m in trouble, and it’s fair. I’m not apologizing to get out of it. I get that I was wrong.”

Matt nodded, sitting down on the couch beside me and saying, “So we’re going to start with that portion of the evening? Because there are a few things we need to cover.”

That didn’t sound good, but I nodded, “Yes, Daddy. I’m ready for my punishment,” I sighed the last bit.

He hugged me, “Well, I’m not. You want to know what’s coming though, baby? I know you hate to wait.”

“Yes.”

“Alright,” he started. “Tomorrow night, and every night for the next week, I’m going to spank your bottom after dinner, and then you’re going to sit at the dining room table and write lines for me. We’ll see if you still feel like manipulating after that.”

“With your hand?” I asked quietly, determined not to argue.

“Just with my hand,” he hugged again.

“How many lines?”

“I’m thinking we’ll start with 50 this time,” he said. “Hopefully, that’ll be enough to kick this habit, but if not, we’ll reassess.”

I nodded. That seemed fair enough. 50 lines wouldn’t take me that long, and maybe it would make me think before I tried again.

“That’s taken care of,” he said to me. “How do you really feel about Ben getting a dog?”

I shrugged, “I don’t care. I want him to have one because he wants one. And it could be good for him.”

“Aunt Sarah said it would be fine, but you might need to get allergy shots.”

“Okay,”I told him. “So? Can he get one?”

“Last thing,” he told me. “What was all that about me only wanting you if you could help Ben? Em, how long have you been feeling that way?”

“I don’t know,” I said softly. “I just-I was tired, and I was frustrated, and I mostly know you love me. Just every once in a while, it’s a problem.”

Daddy pulled me onto his lap, kissing me and saying, “Well, I love you, Emily Anne. And nothing will change that. You are not an inconvenience. You are my wife, and I love you, as much as I love Ben.”

“I mostly know that.”

“I love you,” he repeated. “We need to work on that though, Em. I think that you need to journal for a while.”

Matt’s POV

I was expecting exactly the response I got from that. Em jumped off my lap, turning to glare at me, “Why?”

“Because I think that you’re having trouble talking about your feelings again,” I said, remaining calm.

“So?” she paced. “Lots of people can’t. That’s not fair, Matt. You can’t punish me for that.”

“It’s not a punishment,” I told her. “It’s to help you. I’m not saying you have to write a certain amount, but you and Ben are both going to do it for a while.”

Ben had been journaling since he started therapy. It was pulling teeth sometimes, to get him to do it, but it did help. It wasn’t every day, but it happened most days, and there was no reason for Em not to.

“I’m not going to read it, unless you want me to,” I told her. “But you do have to sit down and journal. Fifteen minutes. That’s all I’m asking for.”

She pouted, but I caught her hand as she passed in front of me, pulling her into my lap. She didn’t fight me, letting herself relax against me.

“Okay,” she finally said.

“Okay,” I agreed. “Ready for bed?”

She nodded, and I stood, throwing her over my shoulder to her delighted giggles, “Then let’s go see if Ben’s awake so we can tell him that we’ll start looking for a new puppy tomorrow.”


End file.
